Say Hello to My Little FRIEND...

So after much, much, much thought we decided to get a dog. YES we did. And this time we get to keep him FOREVER! So we had to put a lot of thought into what type of dog. Main reason for that is because my kids are TERRIFIED of dogs! So we couldn't get a little yapper...and personally I can only handle so much of those. We needed a bit of a lazy dog. One that wouldn't go barking at the door every time someone came over. Sooooooooooo...we got an English Bulldog! AND HE IS ADORABLE! We named him Charlie. Yes I LOVE LOVE LOVE the name Charlie. We've had a few pets named Charlie and Tucker's teddy bear is named Charlie. So we or I REALLY like that name. Here are a few pics of Charlie.

Oh yes and if anyone has advice on potty training him...let me know A.S.A.P

The Liahona...

Just a quick post here. I wanted to write it down before it is forgotten. So I have been really trying my hardest to read the kids the scriptures in the morning. It is not an easy task but once we are reading I just feel such peace. I really want the kids to have a love for the gospel. I know growing up my mom would get us up at 6:30 to read scriptures and I honestly feel that seeing her love for them and devotion to teaching them to us is what enstilled such a love for the gospel in me. Sorry if that was a run on sentence. Anyways, here is how a conversation went with Tucker a few days ago.
T: Mom where is the Liahona?
M: mmmmm...well ya know that is a good question for daddy. Let's see if he knows.
(obviously I am not a genius with gospel or scripture stuff but I am trying)
T: Hey mom, why doesn't the Liahona work for bad guys.
M: Because...they don't follow the commandments of god
T: what are the commandments?
M: Uhhh...that is something we are going to read about later. But they are kind of like rules. ( I'm sweating bullets because like I said before I'm not the best and I'm afraid that the conversation is going to get deeper if the questions keep coming)
T: So the Liahona only works for the good guys.........(thinking)........Well, since I have been good do you think Heavenly Father will give me the Liahona?
M: No but it would be way cool if he did.
T: Why won't he.
M: Because there is no need for it right now.
T: Why?
M: Because...are you ready for lunch?
T: Mom, I love the scriptures. They are my favorite.
M: Tucker that makes me sooo happy.

That conversation right there gave even more determination to read to them...not only for them I've realized but because I need it (REALLY BAD). I just love the feeling that comes with reading the scriptures. I feel such a peace inside throughout the remainder of the day. So yeah...just a little post there.

So I haven't posted for a while. Sorry about that. Trying to figure out the new normalcy here I guess. We had a friend take some fun pictures for our Christmas cards so I thought I would post some. Okay I'm posting alot of them. The ones of Tucker and Tilly are so precious! They totally show how they are with eachother. Just such amazing bestfriends. Thank you so much for taking them.
Christmas with the family was nice this year. Hopefully I will get around to posting pictures. We were able to spend christmas with the Ross side this year and it was really very nice. Always nice to be with family. While we were there my brother was deployed to Iraq so we were able to see him off. Beau had to come home for school and the kids and I stayed an extra 2 weeks with my family. I'm so thankful I was able to see the sisters! Love em! So that is pretty much it. I know real quick maybe I will do more later. And hopefully post pictures.

FAMILIES ARE FOREVER

FYI...

Well just thought I would let everyone know that the BLURB website where you can make your blog into a book, is no longer compatible or whatever with blogspot. YEP I AM SERIOUS! FRUSTRATED HERE! If anyone knows of a website that does have the ability to make your blog into a book PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Thank you so much.

Our Angel

So here I am at 11:30 at night trying to figure out how I am going to write this. I mean how am I going to write this? I’ve thought about this over and over and over again. I don’t know how…and honestly I don’t want to know how.
Ezra passed away October 3rd 2008 at 4:30 a.m in my arms. Both Beau and I were with him. He was due for a surgery in the morning of the 3rd to put a PD Cath in to prepare him to come home. During the night Ezra became very ill. By morning Ezra had a very slim chance of survival because he was so ill. So the Doctors did an Exploratory Surgery to see what was going on. A blood clot had stopped blood flow to most of Ezra’s small intestine. Because of that Ezra’s slim chance of survival was gone.

When people would go into Ezra's room to see him they would always comment on how strong he is. They also commented on how before going into his room they would be so worried and anxious and then after entering his room they felt this calming and peaceful feeling around them. I believe that it was Ezra. I believe that they felt his strength and love. And I believe that the Lord was there calming as well. He probably knew that our little guy need positive feeling around him at that time in his life.
I don't know what to write. What mother or father knows what to write about their baby that was taken so soon? All I can do is write what I feel. That's all I know how to do.
My Ezra…my beautiful, beautiful Ezra. I wish you could have stayed with me. I wish that I were holding you right now and smelling your sweet baby smell. I wish I were getting up in the middle of the night to feed you or just hold you and comfort you. What I would do to hold you again…or smell you. Just to feel you. To hear your cry…I dream of your cry.
I am so angry at times…well most of the time, that you were taken from me so soon. Angry and hurt I guess. Why did God take you so soon? People tell me that you were to pure. They tell me that I will be with you again. I guess that should bring me comfort. Maybe someday it will. Not right now though. It is too painful right now.
I am grateful for your strength. I know that every day that you were here with me was a miracle. I believe that you wanted to meet your mom and dad and when you did you begged God to let you stay just for a bit longer. I believe that he told you it wasn’t going to be easy, but you didn’t care. You are such a strong boy. Because you stayed we got to hold you and bathe you. We got to smell your sweet breath and hear your sweet cry. How grateful I am for everyday that I did get to hold you and sing to you and read to you.
I wish I could have taken the pain away. I would have taken it if I could. I would have taken everything. What was hardest was not being able to help you. All we could do was be there. How helpless your dad and I felt. I think the most important thing to a parent is protecting their children. How hard it is to know we couldn’t protect you. For that I am sorry. I am so sorry.
I miss you terribly. Every minute of every day you are on my mind. I am always wondering where you are. Are you here with me or are you busy somewhere else right now?
I know that you are okay now. I know that you are happy. I know one day I will see you again. And hold you…and never let you go again. And for that knowledge I am grateful. How lucky we are to have such a beautiful strong boy like you.
I am so thankful for your strength and for staying for as long as you could. I’m thankful I got to see your beautiful face. We will miss you everyday until we are with you again.

Ezra...

Well I haven't posted in a little bit so I will do a quick update. I have alot of pictures that I need to post but I just haven't had time right now. I will though. So Ezra is still on the CVVH. They took him off for 24 hrs to see if he would urinate on his own. Well in the 24 hrs he was of he had about 2 cc's of urine come out. Yeah...not a whole lot AND he got puffy again. So he is back on the CVVH and thinner than I have seen him in about 2 months. They are hoping that his kidneys will recover in time. We just need to be patient. If they do not recover he will most likely need long term care until he is able to recv a transplant. BUT that is down the road and we don't even know if that is something that needs to be thought about right now. So we won't talk about that right now. His eyes are open quite a bit and he is starting to focus them a bit more. He really is a beautiful boy.
Tucker and Tilly are doing good. We were able to go to the Apple Orchard as a family on Saturday and it was a blast. The kids loved it! I loved it. At the end of our long walk through the orchard we sat down and had a wonderful HOT apple turnover. YUMMMM. Tucker kept on telling me how much he loved apple pie. Oh, well actually we didn't walk the whole time. We were able to hop on to the tractor going by. Fun stuff.
Beau is doing well, he has recently told me that he is a great photographer and from now on he will be the one taking the pictures. So all the pictures from the Orchard are from Beau. I must say he really does get some pretty things on camera. He's so funny. Love that guy. So I know that is short, sweet and choppy but that's all I have time for rightnow. I will post pictures in a bit.

"White" Poppa and Bright Eyes...

We have been so lucky to have family come out and help us lately and Ron (Beau's dad) just came out for 10 days to spend time with us and the grandkids. What a WONDERFUL visit it was. I am happy we were able to spend time with him and he was able to see Ezra. Tucker has named him the "white" Poppa for obvious reasons. It was so cute the whole time he was here Tilly would just keep telling him that she loved him. This morning he was in the bathroom and Tilly knocked on the door and said "Poppa I love you." So dang cute. Tucker loves to tease Poppa and Beau with the whole Yankees and Red Sox thing. Somedays he is all for the Yankees and others he is all about the Red Sox.

Ezra is looking pretty good. He has lost alot of fluid and some of his numbers have improved. He is doing really well on the Dialysis. We are hopeful. And of course he is still not out of the woods but this is yet another good day. One of the most exciting things was to come in and see his beautiful eyes. Beau and I can't get enough of them. What a beautiful boy.