So I can't sleep....obviously. I have alot of thoughts going through my head right now. All of them are about my baby boy. It started out like this...I went up to bed at like 11:45 because I was tired. So I go and I start to say my prayers and then I just start thinking alot about my little boy. All of the days events start rushing through my mind and some of them where I either lose my patience and snap at him or I am getting annoyed with the constant crying and whining because he didn't get his way. Then, I see his sad face and the tears in his eyes. Then, I hear him saying "oh mommy I'm so sorry.". Now I am crying. I am lying in bed silently crying thinking how in the heck can I be like that to such a sweet, beautiful little boy. How can I waste such precious time w/ my baby by getting frustrated and impatient with him when he is just a child. Then all of the sudden I hear "I'm thirsty". Right away my heart lept...I felt like he woke up on purpose, I mean yeah he was thirsty but I felt like it was for me. I got out of bed and just held him, and kept telling him how much I loved him. Then he softly told me he was thirsty again so I got him some water and went and layed with him in bed. I held him for a while before he fell asleep and just thought about how I wanted to be different. I want him to remember me as always (or most of the time) being happy and not always being rush rush hurry we have errands to run and not enough time to play. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
So, I know this is an extremely odd blog but I guess I am also trying to see if I am not the only one that feels this way. Does anyone else go through this. I always see everyone else being so kind and patient. I feel like such a monster sometimes.
12 comments:
This is NOT an odd blog. This was meant for ME to read today!
Thanks. I can't even say anything else... cause I think I might cry!
But... Thanks!
Love. Jess
I pray EVERY night for patience with Nate... right after I pray for forgiveness for losing my cool with him earlier that day. It is hard raising such busy little boys.... but Tucker knows that you love him. And yes there are those days that aren't much fun for little guys because there is stuff that needs to get done, but overall, when they look back on their childhood. They will remember you snuggling in bed with them at night telling him you love him over and over again. You are a great mom!
Augh! I feel like that all the time. Thank you for this post...it's good to know that other moms feel that way to. Sometimes I get impatient with Lili for the stupidest reasons, and it's usually because I'm stressed or having a bad day, and I'll hear her say, "I'm sorry mommy" or "Mommy are you happy?" and she's so sweet and innocent...it makes me feel so sad.
K Sarah, you made me cry! You are an amazing mother. I feel that way with Hallie all the time. And I see you being cute with them ALL THE TIME!!! It's normal to get annoyed at times. What would life be without our kids testing our patients contantly??? Too easy. I love the pic of Tucker. It just shows his personality. So cute.
oh cute sarah - that post made me cry! It is good to see that other moms are the EXACT same way. You are a great mom! I love that you just snuggled Tucker in bed and told him that you loved him - moments like that are the BEST and make all the HARD times SO worth it!!
You are amazing. Of course I feel like this...all the time. Thanks for this post. It makes me put things into perspective. From the outside looking in you are such a amazing, fun, energetic mom. Your kids are truly lucky to have you!
S...you already heard what kind of a mom I've been today...somehow though I'm hoping the Lord gives us freepasses into Heaven because it's a completely insurmountable task to raise children right...and maybe it's like the loony bin up there...a place for us all to rest after a crazy life...do you think I'll get a free pass for my potty mouth?
Wow you are all awesome! Thank you so much for your comments. I don't think you know how much it helped my day today! Thanks and i love you all!
Ah, Sarah...I didn't look at your blog until today. First...I love you. You are such a wonderful person...which in turn makes you an excellent mom. None of us are perfect. There are nights that I PRAY that the Lord will please cover my mistakes with my kids so that they won't suffer for my weaknesses. You are not alone. Of all the wrong I do, I feel worst about I do to my babies sometimes. Maybe it's supposed to be that way. I just know that it helped me once to learn that I am not alone in these feelings. Somehow knowing that other moms cry at night, and hold their babies when they have already fallen asleep wishing the day away...well, it comforted me. So I hope you know that. And on those bad days/nights, maybe you can do what I do. The words & music run through my mind "Oh Savior stay this night with me. Behold, tis even tide. Oh Savior, stay this night with me...behold, tis eventide."
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Now that Landon's in Kindergarten I only see him from 3:30 to 8:00 at bedtime. That puts it in perspective for me. Yesterday he came home and said, "I'm so glad to come home and spend time with you." It gave the guilts BIG TIME because I wish I would have spent more one on one time with him when I had it - but now I try even harder. Believe me, I think EVERY mom feels the way you do.
Sarah, come to the Chandler home and you will not feel bad at all. i think we all have these days and I certainly have them more than I would like. Patience is something we all aspire to have and i just have to remember to take one day at a time. And always remember they are only going to be little for such a short time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts it always makes us feel like we are in it together.
girl, see my blog last week. We are human, and we are supposed to learn.Just picture your mom doing the same thing about you.
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