Monday, January 17, 2011

This song...



I Give You to His Heart By: Alison Krauss
The wind is blowing down the quiet river,
a shining road that carries you alone.
Baby boy my love will last forever.
If you're to live, I must give you up to God.

I know our God will guide, protect and keep you.
Teach you faith and hold you by the heart.
Though your mother's heart is broken by your leaving,
her Father knows just who he is and who you are.

I wish that life wasn't always ending up this way,
with Heaven's love at stake and hell to pay.
But you in God's loving plan might be the missing part.
You must live.
So I give you to his heart.

The wind is blowing down the silent river,
a shining road that leaves me all alone.
A life for you's worth losing you forever.
Some day we'll stand in God's fair land, forever home.

I wish that life wasn't always ending up this way,
with Heaven's love at stake and hell to pay.
But you in God's loving plan might be the missing part.
You must live.
So I give you to his heart.

I wish that life wasn't always ending up this way,
with Heaven's love at stake and hell to pay.
But you in God's loving plan might be the missing part.
You must live.
So I give you to his heart.

This song makes me think of my Sweet Ezra. He has been on my mind a lot lately. Or I should say a lot more than usual. I've been thinking of how blessed I am to know one of mine, beau, tucker, tilly and JJ's angels. I know that he is with us at times watching us. I know that he misses us and loves us so much. And just as much as we are wishing he was with us I am sure even though he is in a much better place than us he still wishes to be with us. One day we will all be together again. I know this. Sometimes the pain is so fresh. It will be with me, beau and the kids for the rest of our lives.
I'm so blessed to know where Ezra is and that just because he is gone does not mean that it is over. I will hold him in my arms again. And it will be without the tubes and wires everywhere. He will be perfect and pain free. I am also so blessed to know that my Father in Heaven knows me inside and out. He cares and loves us all so much. I was thinking of how I felt after Ezra passed and how angry I was at God. I felt like he had forgotten me and Beau. After much prayer and TIME I now know that our Father in Heaven was hurting as well. He knows our pain and sadness we are his children. I know that even though I was so angry he was trying to comfort and love both me and Beau. I know that I was not alone. I was never left alone. He did not forget us.
I know that this was probably out of nowhere but that is how it goes for me. It just feels good to write all of this down. Have it out there.

7 comments:

Joe'n'Jess said...

He is such a beautiful baby. When you were in Iowa, we really wanted to be there for you, but we knew that when we had children in the NICU we just wanted to be left alone, so that what we did for you. After Ezra passed we regretted that we weren't there to support you during his hospitalization. we still regret this. but i just wanted to let you know that our thoughts and prayers were with you through that time. from your MIL's passing through Ezra's. i hope this isn't too weird for you-I just wanted to let you know that you weren't forgotten. sometimes that helps.

Anna said...

I just listened to the music by Alison Krauss. I can but only imagine your pain sweetheart, but I am so very glad for your faith in God, your reliance on Him, and your tender mercies send from his home to yours. Ezra still lives...how grateful I am for that knowledge. I know he watches your family carefully. Love, mom

Jessie said...

YOU AMAZE ME... Every time I think of little Ezra and all that you went through... YOU AMZE ME!

It is neat to hear about your process of understanding. You are a strong amazing woman and I look up to your strength...

Sweet angel Ezra! What a beautiful baby he is.

Nic@Nite said...

It is amazing what time does for us. It helps with our perspective so much. Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts.

Candice said...

I wish I could give you a big hug right now...so that maybe you could give me some of your strength. We miss you guys!

Bullard Family said...

I think of your little Ezra a lot too. You are such a amazing mommy! You are such a strong woman, I look up to you.

Jen said...

Sarah, this post was really touching. I think of you and your family often and the trials you have gone through and the strength you have and admire you so much!